So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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