She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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