she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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