I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
