I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
