In America we eat man semen.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
