I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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