tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
