Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
