I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
