It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
