a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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