So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
