My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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