I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
