I wish I only lived at night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
