it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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