I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
