you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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