True but thats because hes a fetus.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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