Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
