he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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