your thong is hanging out like whoa
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
