Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
