hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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