You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
