he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
