he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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