So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
