Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
