That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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