Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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