You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
