hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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