The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I did not marry a roomba.
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