You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
