It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
honey bunches of taint.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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