Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
