I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
