you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
