I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
