Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
