nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
