we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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