When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
