Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
