You smell like stripper and shame
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
