im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
