He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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