Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
