he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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