I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
